Words of encouragement & words of comfort

Last night I stopped by one of my favorite bars in Hampden, Golden West. It was a night like any other with a buzz in the bar. The bartenders and servers were whipping around serving patrons various elixirs. I did start to notice however a solemness about the bartenders. I asked and was presented with shocking information - one of their good friends and co-workers had suddenly passed away the night before.

Over the past year, I have come to know many of the employees and friends of GW. It is not hard since they are a welcoming bunch. Sit at the bar long enough or play pinball, you pick out who is GW staff and who is not. Being who I am, I tend to build relationships. There was occasionally this tall, broad shouldered guy. He seemed to be a quiet, reserved guy who worked as a server. His name was Mike. With his tattoos, height, and pleasant demeanor, Mike was hard to miss. I recall a smile or a nod every time we would see each other. And those will remain my memories of Mike.

A little after I heard the news, I was in conversation with a couple discussing Dali, Gaudi, art, Internet, and youth with cell phones. About this time a gentlemen saddled up to the bar between us to get a drink. He wasn't getting noticed, so I attempted to signal one of the bartenders. He quickly told me not to worry - they were having a rough night. I realized he knew and could tell it hurt him too.

What would you do? Do you say 'Sorry' or 'Feel better', and walk away? My reaction was to offer comfort, encouragement, humor, and when they are ready - topic change. Over about 30min, I learned a lot about David and was happy to hear that our conversation eased his thoughts and mind. He told me that his day was hard and he expected to have a rough night. Fortunately, we met, talked and he felt better.

I wrote this post not to brag about me. The events of last night remind me that we don't choose what happens around us - we only choose how react. David told me that news of Mike's death caused him to contact his loved ones and let them know how much he cared for them.

In today's age of 'connection', do you really know what is going on in your friends' lives? Do you care enough to ask, to help, to encourage, to comfort? I know that I will try better to do so.

I also want to express my condolences for Mike's friends and family. May you find the peace you are looking for.

Thanks for reading,
~J^3

** UPDATE **

Mike's Viewing and Funeral Service will be Wednesday, 09.07.11 and Thursday, 09.08.11 from 3 - 5 pm and 7 - 9 pm at Peaceful Alternatives, 2325 York Road, Timonium, MD 21093. Friday, 09.09.11, the Funeral will begin at 11 am at the same location.

In lieu of flowers, we request donations be made in order to help others suffering from addiction.
Please send pictures ...to siska.miller@gmail.com.
...
He will be wearing his dancing shoes.

Independence Day!

(Originally written around the 4^th of July)

For the first time in a long time, I did something non-traditional for Independence Day. By traditional, I generally attend a local parade – waving, clapping, and cheering as floats pass by. That is typically followed up by a fireworks display in the evening, either sitting on the lawn or watching on TV.

This year was different. I broke my ‘tradition’ and joined my good friends, Dave & Lori and their family, at Hershey Park. That’s right, I celebrated my independence day by riding roller coasters. It was a blast. Whatever discounts we obtained buying the tickets at Giant were given back at the highly priced food venues. Since I sat next to Dave on the first ride, I am sure he’d be happy to relay the contorted facial expression I had while experiencing those gravitational shifts. Just mention ‘Pirate Ship’. It was fun to also witness the park partly through the eyes of a child… no, not Dave! His niece was there and she rode probably every kid’s ride possible. And she was excited through the end.

We didn’t stay for the fireworks because we all had to get back. I actually drove from Hershey to Queens, NY (about 3 hours). It was neat to watch the near and far fireworks displays as the sun went down. Some of the fireworks were probably public (official) ones while others were obviously private ones. The ride across PA, NJ, and into NYC was pretty. It was cool watching moments of each of those shows. I rolled into NYC just after the main Manhattan display, so I missed that one, but there were still little ones going off.

Did I miss the parade with politicians and fire engines? Yes. Did I miss the crazy close fireworks? Yes. Would I have traded my day at Hershey Park? No way! It is good to break routine; to try something new; to create new traditions.

As a side note, Independence Day can be celebrated any day. I am often thankful for the blessings and opportunities I have because of this country, our soldiers, and my parents. I hope you all enjoyed your independence day.

Thanks for reading!

~J^3

Cafe surfing

Happy Easter folks! And if you don't celebrate Easter, happy first Sunday after the first full moon after the spring equinox!

Earlier I was enjoying a mimosa at what was a relatively quiet cafe in Astoria, NY. That same location has turned a bit busier as the lunch/brunch crowd has appeared. Mind you, I am not leaving; it is just a change in atmosphere. And that is really the reason for my post.

I am the only one here alone (well, except the guy at the bar) and the only one with a laptop on the table. I am sure that plenty of the patrons have their favorite smart phone with them. I brought said laptop because I plan to do some office work here in the comfort of WiFi, coffee, and the busy NY streets. It is not that exciting to sit in my hotel room when the weather is THIS nice.

Before I start said office work, I find myself exploring the web, checking email, reviewing links sent by friends. In this environment, there is little to no privacy. Anyone could easily look over my shoulder and judge what I am doing. Then again, I might think too highly of what people focus on. I digress. While checking my email and performing some surfing, I suddenly got conscious of what I was looking at. Before you jump to conclusions, I am not looking at THOSE type of sites! A link I was recently sent a link with a video comparing old Britney to new Britney. Spears, that is. I have my sound off and click the play. The video shows vintage clips of Britney "dancing" and I am sure eventually this will be compared to newer clips. I stopped after less than a minute. Watching a female artist dance around without sound is a little strange, no matter where you are.

So the question I pose to you is if you find yourself in similar situations, are there sites you look at and don't look at? Do you try to appear more learned by reading the NYT or WSJ? I guess one of the obvious choices I have is to ignore such emails and links. Who really cares if old Britney and new Britney dance differently? (Popdust.com, that's who.)

Enjoy your day and thanks for reading!
~J^3

Making a difference

When's the last time you made a difference in someone's life? It might be more recent than you think.

The past three days I was fortunate to witness the culmination of a season of robotics at a regional competition. For the past few months, I have been mentoring and helping a group of high school students build and program a robot. It has been awesome experiencing how they work together and the leaders that emerge.

Through this experience I have had now two years in a row, I know that I am having an impact on those kids lives. I hope that I am making a difference. But I also know that I make an impact almost every day in the smallest ways.

The other night, I watched a short talk by Mark Bezos, a volunteer firefighter. The talk is one of the many on TED.com. If you have never heard of that site, I encourage you to check it out. Below is a link to Mark's 5-minute talk. Watch it and the rest of this blog will make more sense:

TED talks - Mark Bezos
http://www.ted.com/talks/mark_bezos_a_life_lesson_from_a_volunteer_firefighter.html

We can make a difference everyday by looking up while running around and being busy. It can be the smile you give a stranger or the door you hold open for someone entering or leaving the place you are at. Sure, you might not ever see that person again or even know their name, but that act of kindness may make a difference in how they react the next moment.

Often though, we can make an even greater difference by choosing to 'teach' rather than 'tell'. I have been there; it is easier to tell someone to do something new and hope they get it right rather than show and teach them how to do it the first time. These others can be kids, co-workers, friends, acquaintances. The more we give of ourselves, the more impact we can make.

Thanks for reading and have fun making a difference,
~J^3

How we choose to react...

Imagine you are driving along on a quiet Saturday morning from Baltimore, MD to Ocean City, MD. Traffic on the road is light. You are making good time. You are passing Salisbury and have only a half hour left on your trip.

Now imagine that your car starts to react strange. You push down on the gas and the engine revs - your RPMs shoot up but you don't feel any pressure back from the drive system. You release the gas pedal to let the RPMs fall below 2000. You still have momentum, but are now in the right lane with hazards flashing. You accelerate again. But once you hit 2000, the tachometer shoots up again past 3000-4000+. You pull off the road. Maybe cycling the power will help.

Turn off the car. Turn it on. Try to pull out and go again. Same reaction. After a while you the get car into a gas station (no garage). You now call a service garage and ask them to diagnose the issue over the phone. They say "it's the transmission." On no - that's not an easy fix.

You have a choice to make. You were on your way to a conference for the weekend. Do you focus on the car and let THAT consume your thoughts and time OR do you leave the car in a safe place and go to your destination?

I recently heard that 'destiny is a series of choices or decisions.' You don't want for it to just happen, instead you make it happen. What you let consume your mind will consume your life. I choose to leave the car so I can benefit from the conference. The following day (on the way back), I took care of the car. Fortunately, I was with people who focused on solutions rather than issues. A little masterminding with a friend lead to simple decisions on how to get the car to a garage and getting a rental for the week.

I hope your car doesn't break down on you, but I do hope you don't let situations slow you down.

~J^3

post script: It was the transmission. With help from a bunch of people for a variety of things, I got the car to a garage. I had a rental for about a week. The Tribute is back and on the road again. Thanks folks!